My Subway & Train Rules, or Why It's Ok for Me to Hit You

I hit someone with my book the other day. He didn't know I hit him, it was more of a tap really, and I did it to his back, but still. It was a guy in the subway station, and he was blocking my way to the staircase. Never before has the path to the subway stairs caused such anger. But now that we are suburban dwellers, we have added the Metro North train to our previous, subway only commute. And because we now have a train that is on a schedule, I MUST MAKE THAT TRAIN. Ok, to be fair, another train will come in like twenty minutes if I don't. But I don't want to wait twenty minutes. I want to take the train I planned on taking, and if you are blocking the subway stairs, I will do things to punish you. Like elbow you, or hit you with a book. I'll do so subtly enough that you wouldn't even realize I did it on purpose. But I did.

I have also extracted this revenge on people that I feel are violating the rules of waiting for the Metro North train. When hubby and I get off the train in the morning at Grand Central, there are already people waiting to get on our train, presumably for their freaky reverse commute to the suburbs (why would you live in the most expensive city possible if you worked in the suburbs???). Most of the people who are waiting for the train will wait at the top of the platform. That's because they are smart enough to realize that a) this train is not leaving the station for at least 10 or 20 minutes b)there are significantly less people waiting for this train than there are seats, so they are obviously going to get the seat they want.

Which brings to mind this question - why do the other half the people waiting for the train charge at it like wild animals, when I am trying to get off the damn platform in the morning? I don't know the answer to that question, but I do know this. I can carry my purse with my arm supporting it, elbow stretched out like I'm doing the teapot dance. And said protruding elbow might just smack at least half of those annoying people in their side when I walk by. Ooops.

Is this a healthy release of my hostility? Not sure. But so far, it's fun.